GA - Chapter 5: Lose Control

grimrose academy

WE ARE in the middle of nowhere— literally! Parang may kung anong pumiga sa ulo ko pagdating namin sa labas ng academy. Napapalibutan kasi ng mga malalaking puno at makakapal na damo ang school. Medyo makapal pa ang hamog. 

Nasaan kami? Saang parte ng Grimrose City ang lugar na ‘to? I mean— pinag-aralan ko ang map ng city a week ago pag lipat namin dito. Wala akong natatandaan na may ganitong gusali sa gitna ng kagubatan.

Nahihiya naman akong magtanong kay Zed. Baka kasi mautal ako o kung anong gibberish words ang masabi ko. Kaya bahala na. Susunod nalang ako sa kanya.

Sa tapat ng academy ay may isang statue na mukhang anghel dahil sa apat na wings nito sa likod ngunit balot ng armor na parang medieval knight. May hawak itong lamp na may kulay puting liwanag sa gitna. Lumapit si Zed doon kaya sumunod ako.

“Shana, may I hold your hand?” Zed asked.

Mabilis na nag-init ang mukha ko. Tama ba ang narinig ko? Hahawakan niya ang kamay ko? Mag ho-holding hands kami? Bakit? Pero sige! Reasons are no longer relevant.

Di ako nakagalaw at natulala lang sa kanya.

“Sorry, kailangan lang. Wala ka pa kasing blessing of access sa academy kaya ito lang ang paraan para makalabas ka.”

Wow! Hindi lang talaga siya good looking— gentleman pa. 

Tumango ako. Inabot ko ang kamay ko. Nang maramdaman kong nahawakan na, bigla akong napapikit. Ang warm ng kamay niya. Parang ang peaceful. Ang sarap damhin.

Pero nang imulat ko ang mga mata ko— si Nix pala ang humawak ng kamay ko. Pumagitna siya sa ‘min dalawa.

“Matagal pag dito ka dumaan. I’ll take you there,” sabi ni Nix.

Parang may humigop sa hangin. In just one blink, nasa parking lot na kami ng Rose University. Ang bilis, parang hindi tumapak ang paa ko sa lupa

Mabilis nga pero… para bang umakyat ang dugo ko pataas.

“See? We’re here,” Nix said and smirked.

Inambangan ko siya na susuntukin. 

“Whoa, whoa! Easy there. Sigurado ka bang gusto mo kong suntukin? Are you sure you can hit me?” He said, stepping back with his hands raised.

“Alam mo nakaka-inis ka na! Kanina ka pa. Ano bang trip mo?”

Nakaka-inis kasi! Bukod sa pinigilan niyang mahawakan ni Zed ang kamay ko, gusto ko din sana makita kung anong klaseng magic ang mangyayari doon sa statue. Kung paano kami napunta doon at kung saan papasok o lalabas.

“Wow! Palaban ang chibi. Di ba dapat nagpapasalamat ka dahil hinatid kita dito?”

“Sinabi ko bang ihatid mo ko? Teka…” I crossed my arms and looked at him, squinting my eyes as if suspecting him. “Siguro… crush mo ko? Kaya ka nagpapapansin! Tama! But sorry. You’re not my type.”

He scoffs. “Ako? May crush sayo?”

Luminga siya sa paligid tapos ay biglang naging seryoso ang mukha niya. Lumapit siya sakin na parang nagmamadali kaya’t napaatras ako ng napaatras. Hanggang sa napasandal ako sa isang sasakyan.

Gigilid pa sana ako para umiwas pero bigla niyang hinarang ang braso niya. His palms flat against the car window. I froze. The space between us vanished. Napalunok na lang ako dahil sobrang lapit na ng mukha niya sakin.

I could feel his warm breath. What is he doing? Nagalit ba siya sa sinabi ko?

“A-Anong ginagawa mo?” tanong ko pero parang walang lumabas na boses sa bibig ko.

Hindi siya sumagot. Nanatili lang siyang nakatitig sa mga mata ko.

“Don’t get the wrong idea. You’re just… my new plaything,” he whispered. He moved back and vanished into black thin misty smoke.

Tila nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko. Napaupo ako sa sahig. I was frightened. I still don’t understand what he is— all of them. 

“Shana…”

Napatingala ako sa tumawag sakin. It was Zed. Nandito na siya at inaalok pa niyang hawakan ko ang kamay niya para makatayo.

I was still shaking a little. Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto ng Nix na ‘yon but it really felt dangerous.

Pero di ko na pinatagal pa— humawak na ako agad sa kamay ni Zed. Baka kasi may sumulpot na naman na epal. 

He helped me stand up. Kaya ko naman pero ang sarap lang sa pakiramdam na maasikaso ng isang gentleman.

“Sorry about my brother. Let me take you home,” he said. Pinagbuksan pa niya ko ng pinto ng sasakyan niya. 

His car was a four seater black luxury vintage sedan type. It looks neat, expensive, and sophisticated. Bagay sa pagiging gentleman niya. Unlike kay Nix na sasakyan pa lang niya alam mo ng mayabang.

Speaking of that half-devil. Sabi niya plaything niya ko? So balak niya talaga akong pag trip-an for his own amusement? Aba! Tignan natin. Akala niya uurungan ko siya. Hintayin niya lang mapag-aralan ko ang powers ko. Siya ang paglalaruan ko. 

Habang nasa biyahe, sumisimple lang ako ng tingin kay Zed habang nagmamaneho siya. Gusto kong mag tanong sa kanya. Advance lessons lang sana bago ako pumasok sa Grimrose Academy. At para maging close kami. Pero nahihiya talaga ako sa kagwapuhan niya. 

Hanggang sa…

“We haven’t properly introduced ourselves. I’m Zed,” bigla niyang sabi. Sumulyap siya saglit.

I know. Kilala na kaya kita. Crush nga kita, eh. 

“Uhm… I’m Shana,” nahihiya kong sagot.

Kainis! Bakit ba di ako maka-kuha ng lakas ng loob? Kailangan di ako maging tahimik. Baka ayaw niya ng ganon. Baka isipin niya ayaw ko siyang kausap. I have to ask something.

After that… There was a long silence between us. 

Shoot! Hindi ko alam kung ano itatanong ko. Natatakot akong magkamali.

“I think it’s best if we’ll have some music,” mungkahi niya.

I thought he was asking me to turn the music on, so I reached for the button of his stereo but he did the same. The next thing that happened was... our hands touched.

Parang may kuryenteng gumapang mula sa kamay ko papunta sa mga braso ko. Bahagyang nag-init ang mga pisngi ko. 

“Oh... s-sorry,” nahiya kong sabi. Inatras ko ang kamay ko at hinayaan ko siyang buksan ang stereo.

Hindi siya nagsalita pero nakita ko siyang ngumiti. That was the first time I saw him smile. He’s so handsome!

Okay. That smile made me a bit comfortable. I should ask something. Para mas maging komportable kami sa isa’t isa.

“Uhm… can I ask something?” Finally! Words came out.

“I’m not good at explaining things but I’ll try to answer your questions,” sagot naman niya.

I wanted to ask more about the Grimborns and The Angeals but it felt too casual. So maybe I should ask something personal. Para mapakita ko na interesado ako sa kanya.

“Ang sabi ni Mom mo half human— half lycan ka daw? I’m not sure what that is. Is it like a werewolf?”

“Hmm… Let’s see. Werewolves and Lycans are of the same race. Werewolves are humans who can transform into a wolf. But they are not your average wolf. Kasing laki sila ng isang sedan na sasakyan.”

Grabe! Wolf na kasing laki ng kotse? I don’t think I want to see one.

“Uhm how about yung Lycan?”

“Lycans are the stronger race of wolves. They are half human and half wolf beast. Imagine a hairy muscular man with a head for a wolf. Their arms are long, almost ape-like, ending in huge claws. Their legs— wolf like. They stand around eight to nine feet tall.”

Okay… that… is super scary.

Buti na lang sa isip ko lang sinabi ‘yon. Since half lycan siya, pag sinabi ko ‘yon baka isipan niyang natatakot ako sa kanya.

“Don’t worry. Lycan’s are rare. Bukod sakin— maliit ang chance mo na makakita ng lycan. And I don’t fully transform into one since I’m half human— a Morcan. Mine is… different,” he added.

Wait a minute! Paano niya nalaman? Nasabi ko ba na natakot ako? O baka naman nababasa niya ang isip ko? 


“Uhm… sorry… how did you— ?” 

“Sorry. I can smell your fear. Isa sa mga abilities ng isang lycan ang strong sense of smell,” he explained.

Ang galing naman ng ability niya. Kaya siguro siya ang napili ni Ms. Kat na mag bantay sakin. He can sense or smell danger.

Hindi ko na alam ang susunod kong itatanong. I wanted to know more about Lycans, werewolves, and about him. But I don’t want to sound like a geek to him.

Pagkatapos no’n, tahimik na naman. Hindi ko rin naman alam ‘yong music na tumutugtog kaya di ko rin magamit as conversation starter. 

Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind so I asked about it right away.

“Nga pala. Bakit mo nga pala biglang sinara ‘yong blinds ng music room noong nakita mo ko?”

Sumulyap siya sakin saka muling binalik ang tingin sa daan. Hindi siya kaagad sumagot.

“You remember that, huh?” he said.

I nodded. I looked at him and waited. I really want to know. Was I ugly for him? O nasira ko ba ang araw niya nang makita niya ko no’ng time na ‘yon?

“It’s because I almost lost control,” he added.

“Uhm… What do you mean you lost control? May kinalaman ba ‘yong sinasabi ni Ash na urge? What does he mean by that? Your sister also said I’m making you guys thirsty. What’s the deal? Do I have something special?”

Oh shoot! I asked so many things. Umiral na naman ang pagiging geek at curious ko. Sana di siya ma-turn off.

Bigla niyang hininto ang sasakyan. Hindi siya umiimik. Nakatulala lang siya sa manibela habang nakahawak doon.

Anong nangyari? May nasabi ba kong masama?

“S-Sorry. I was talking too fast. I didn’t mean to," sabi ko.

I honestly don’t know what I’m sorry for but there’s something wrong with him. Para siyang nanigas. He wasn’t talking or moving. Not even… breathing?

“Zed?” Sinubukan ko siyang hawakan sa braso. Sobrang init ng balat niya. Parang siyang may lagnat na sobrang taas.

His hands were gripping the steering wheel a little too tight. His jaw was clenched. His eyes— hindi ko masabi kung galit ba o may pinipigilan lang.

"Zed… okay ka lang?" mahina kong tanong.

He didn’t answer. But I saw it. His nails. They weren’t normal anymore. They were darker, sharper— it became claws.

“Shana…” sabi niya na parang nahihirapan, at parang may pinipigilan.

He looked away, exhaling sharply like he was in pain. His back arched slightly, and I saw veins glowing faintly along his neck, shimmering silver-blue. His breathing was uneven— shaky.

Iyong buhok niya sa braso, tila kumakapal. Pati ‘yong tenga niya parang naging patulis ang dulo. And when he opened his mouth— I saw it. It was elongated canines— fangs.

He turned to face me. His eyes were glowing. It was gold. Not just reflecting light— it was glowing from within, like the moon was living inside them. His hands were shaking— not from rage, but from restraint. He didn’t want this.

“Run!” He said.

My instinct kicked in. Lumabas na ako agad ng sasakyan kahit nanginginig ang mga kamay ko. The road was empty. Walang ibang sasakyan. Wala rin mga gusali o bahay sa paligid. I didn’t notice na iba ang dinaanan namin pauwi sa bahay. My choice was to run towards the road or the pine trees.

Nilingon ko si Zed. Para siyang nakikipaglaban sa sarili niya. I didn’t want to leave him. Pero sa paraan ng pagtingin niya sakin— parang hindi na siya si Zed. Not the quiet protector. Not the boy who opened doors and smiled only when no one was looking. This version of him... wanted to tear something apart.

I chose the pine trees. I ran like my life depended on it— because it probably did. Kahit may nababangga na akong mga halaman. Kahit hindi pantay ang lupa. Kahit hindi ko alam kung saan ako patungo.

Every breath burned my lungs. My heart beat so loud, akala ko mabibingi ako. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t know if there was even a point. Ang alam ko lang may humahabol sa ‘kin. Something powerful and wild.

Kinailangan kong huminto para kumuha ng lakas. I was about to tell myself na sana napigilan ni Zed ang transformation niya pero biglang… may umalulong. 

It wasn’t a normal howl. Not a dog and not even a wolf. It sounded broken— ​deep, full of pain and rage.

The sound sent shiver down my spine. Para bang nanigas ang buong katawan ko.

Is this it for me? Bakit kasi si Zed ang pinagbantay nila sakin? I don’t want to die here. Powers ko… please kailangan kita. Now is the time! Or someone… please… save me.

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